we were just pretending

According to the results of a recent Reuters poll, 33 percent of U.S. residents want nothing more than two freakin’ minutes when someone isn’t continually breathing down their necks. 28 percent can’t believe they’re still putting up with all this horse shit, and for what? And, in response to comments that 46-year-old Dave Perelson of Richmond, VA seemed to be able to handle things just fine without always screwing up, roughly 700,000 Americans snapped, ”Well, we can’t all fucking be Dave, can we?”

Additionally, son-of-a-bitch, 67 percent of Americans reported.

“Perhaps we’re approaching this in the wrong way; Ms. July, when I wake up in the morning, I say to myself, ‘I’m going to go to work and help make the laws that keep our country running,’” McConnell said. “Now, when you wake up in the morning, what do you say to yourself? What is it that compels you to do all these things that you do?”

July, however, mostly ignored the probings and proceeded to cut up pieces of construction paper to make a large banner reading “You Will Find It!” which she then hung from the front of the table at which she was sitting.

“A recent survey found that more than half of all Grafton Hill residents admitted they routinely drive to a Panera location in a neighboring town instead of simply walking down the block to Callahan’s, 72 percent claimed they would prefer being alerted of their order’s completion by a vibrating pager than by that one kind-faced woman who calls everyone “sweetheart,” and four out of five said they “didn’t give a shit” whether the ingredients in their panini were locally sourced.

Additionally, respondents unanimously agreed that, deep down, they didn’t really care whether their food was prepared in a microwave or a 100-year-old brick oven so long as they could get their meal quickly, eat it in peace, and get on with their day.”

“I guess it’s the director’s dramatic license to put his own personal spin on the play he is directing, but this is a little over-the-top,” said Stacey Silverman, who played Nurse Brutus in Hiles’ 2003 all-female version of Julius Caesar. “I just think Portia not being an aviatrix does a tremendous disservice to the playwright.”

This is so spot-on. Come to think of it, with all the plays I see, I think I’ve maybe seen one Shakespeare play set in the time and place in the script.